39 Uses for Stormtrooper Helmets
by anonymousclarinet22
Summary: After many successful missions, the Ghost is overflowing with stormtrooper helmets, but Ezra refuses to part with any of them. Luckily, Sabine has a few ideas of what to do with them. Chapters include Possesed Helmet, in which Sabine and Ezra prank Zeb, and Birdhouse, in which the Ghost is invaded by a convor.
1. 39 Uses for Stormtrooper Helmets

Author's Note: I found this list I wrote two years ago, added an introduction to it, and decided to post it. Enjoy!

39 Uses for Stormtrooper Helmets

"Alright, kids," said Hera. "Your rooms are a mess. You need to be responsible for your things. I shouldn't have to tell you to clean your rooms! You're practically adults!"

Sighing, Ezra opened the door to his cabin and checked to make sure it was clean. None of his clothes were piled on the floor; all of his weapons were stored away safely yet conveniently. His gadgets, contraptions, and spare parts were in a box at the foot of his bunk, so he could build things whenever he felt like it. His collection of stormtrooper helmets was, as usual, in the far corner of the room. All was as it should be.

Hera walked by the room to check on his cleaning. "I don't see what the problem is," he told her, beckoning her into the cabin to show off its orderliness. He motioned at his bunk. "All my stuff is where it's supposed to go."

"Yes, that's the problem," said Hera. "Your stormtrooper helmets are all over the floor."

"But I put them neatly in the corner!" Ezra protested. In fact, he had spent a good thirty minutes arranging them in a pyramid with the Force.

"Yes, they're in the corner," Hera conceded, "but they still take up almost half the floor space of the cabin!"

"Well, where else am I supposed to put them?" Ezra asked. "It's not like we have a spare room I can put them in."

Hera eyed his extensive collection warily. "I think you might have a few too many helmets. After all, you only have one head. Maybe you should get rid of some," she suggested.

Ezra gasped. "What? Get rid of them?" He summoned the closest helmet with the Force and held it protectively; the pyramid of helmets crashed to the ground. "They're precious! Each one is a reminder of each mission I've gone on! I can't get rid of them!"

Hera closed her eyes and shook her head, trying not to look at the sea of helmets that now covered the floor completely. "I don't know what you should do, but you need to find another solution than just stashing them in the corner. It's a waste of space, and Zeb might want to put stuff in the cabin, too." The door slid shut behind her as she exited the cabin.

Ezra sighed, then closed his eyes and used the Force to rearrange his helmets into their pyramid. He then left his cabin and headed to the common room, taking his favorite helmet with him.

Sabine found Ezra sitting on the common room bench, studying his helmet. "What's wrong, Ezra?" she asked.

"Hera's making me get rid of some of my helmets," Ezra replied dejectedly.

Sabine's eyes widened. "That's…unfortunate. I understand why you keep them; I like to have things to remember past missions by as well, but my paintings don't take up that much room."

Ezra raised an eyebrow. "Um, I can't paint," he informed her.

"I know," Sabine replied, amused. "Maybe you could repurpose the helmets instead of piling them in a corner."

Ezra pondered the idea. "That could work, but I wouldn't know what to do with them."

"I have to go clean my blasters, but I can make a list uses for the helmets and give it to you later," she offered.

"Okay," said Ezra. "Thanks, Sabine." The Mandalorian left the common room.

l-o-l

About an hour later, Sabine slid a piece of flimsi under Ezra and Zeb's cabin door. Ezra picked it up and began reading it.

39 Uses for Stormtrooper Helmets

1\. Helmet- Put the helmet on your head (obviously). It will provide (some) protection from blaster fire. However, Mandalorian beskar helmets are more interesting, have more features, and offer more protection. The helmets are not guaranteed to absorb blaster bolts; you can still die though, you stupid nerfherder, so don't be too reckless.

2\. Drums- Bang on it. Do not do this while people (ahem, Kanan and Zeb) are sleeping or meditating. Doing so may anger them, and ultimately cause your death. Buckethead Helmets Provider Co. is not responsible for your injuries or death.

3\. Art supply holder- Turn the helmet upside down and put art supplies inside. Now people will not trip over rolling spray paint cans on the floor and break their faces open. Good for them. (I'd like to borrow a few, if you don't mind)

4\. Lightsaber holder- Turn the helmet upside down. Make sure the lightsaber is deactivated then put the lightsaber(s) inside. Do not bisect yourself in the process; you're not Darth Maul.

5\. Blaster holder- Turn the helmet upside down and put blaster(s) inside. Do not accidentally shoot yourself; it is not recommended for your health. Make sure blasters are easily accessible in case you need to shoot someone.

6\. Bowling pins- Place ten helmets in the correct positions. Lob bowling ball (see number 7) at the pins, and count the number of pins you knocked over. If you are Sabine, completely dominate the game. If you are someone else, completely fail so Sabine can win.

7\. Bowling ball- Fill the helmet with heavy stuff (like rocks). Duct tape the open end of helmet closed, and poke three holes in tape for finger holes. Add additional duct tape to make it more round. Then, throw it at bowling pins, other people, or annoying astromechs. (ahem, Chopper)

8\. Dodgeball- Throw it at people. Then, run when they get mad. Bonus points if you use the Force. Double bonus points if you hit a stormtrooper. Triple bonus points if you hit the stormtrooper it used to belong to. Quadruple bonus points if they die.

9\. Paint bucket- Fill the helmet with paint. Make sure it doesn't fall over and spill onto the Ghost's floor or Hera will make you scrub every drop of paint off.

10\. Flower pot- Fill the helmet with dirt. Make small holes at the base for drainage. Plant the flower inside, water it, and make sure it gets lots of sunlight. I recommend getting an artificial plant light, because we are in hyperspace often. Don't let Chopper near the flower or he will kill it. Poor flower. Rest in pieces.

11\. Explosives storage- Place explosives inside the helmet. Do not put the helmet on your head while it is filled with explosives (This should be obvious, but I am being cautious because you lack common sense, and I will not be held responsible if you blow yourself up). It will probably blow up and you will probably die. Then I will have to go to your funeral. I don't have time for that.

12\. Laundry basket- Turn the helmet upside down and fill with dirty clothes. However, do not put the helmet on your head if it has had your or Zeb's smelly socks in it.

13\. Trash can- Fill it with trash and stuff, like banana peels. Beware: Chopper will get jealous. He wants to be the only trash can on the ship.

14\. Cooking pot- Cook soup in it, preferably meatloaf soup. Clean the stormtrooper sweat out first. On second thought, you could leave it in there to add flavor.

15\. Target for blaster practice- Place it on a post in the ground and shoot the snot out of it! (Do helmets have snot?) Make sure not to shoot as poorly as the trooper who originally owned it.

16\. Portable toilet- Hopefully you will not need a description for this.

17\. Lampshade- Take the lampshade off a lamp and replace it with a helmet. Then it will look like it has glowing eyes. You can put the old lampshade over Chopper's head and call him Lamp2-D2.

18\. Fishbowl- Fill it with water and dump random goldfish inside. Feed them and flush them down the fresher when they die. Also, clean their poop out occasionally.

19\. Birdhouse- Drill a hole in the top and hang it from a tree with duct tape. Fill it with twigs, sticks, leaves. Then, the birds will come and you can name one Star, so it will be a Star bird.

20\. Alarm clock amplifier- Turn helmet upside down and the place alarm clock inside so it echoes. You could also add an electroshock prod so it zaps you when you try to hit the snooze button (I want to hear your screams).

21\. Speakers- Place your holo-radio inside and play it loudly so it echoes and disturbs a certain grumpy Jedi's meditation.

22\. Mando helmet- Give it to me and I'll spray paint it to look like a Mandalorian helmet. It won't be as protective, cool, or efficient as real ones though, like mine. Mine is cooler than all of your helmets. It also doesn't smell like stormtrooper sweat.

23\. Bucket- Fill it with random stuff, like water, sand, or holofilms. However, Chopper will get mad if you fill it with bolts. He is the only bucket of bolts on the ship, and he wants it to stay that way.

24\. Fencepost decor- Put on fence posts. It looks cool. It looks even cooler if you put googly eyes or wigs on the helmets. Or a squeaky clown nose.

25\. Cereal bowl- Fill with Vader-O's. Then add blue milk. Then, either eat out of it or put it on Ezra's head, so he will be a soggy blueberry.

26\. Jewelry box- Fill the helmet with jewelry, like bracelets or necklaces or whatever it is that normal girls wear. I prefer to wear armor and vibroblades.

27\. Barf bucket- Barf into helmet. Say hi to the partially digested carrots. Then, barf some more and dump it on Zeb. Then, run.

28\. Pet's water/food bowl- Fill with motor oil and give it to Chopper. He will thank you by electrocuting you but will secretly be happy.

29\. Christmas decorations- Make a fake beard out of cotton balls and it tape to the helmet. Then put a Santa hat on it. Or, you could get two branches, tape it to the top, and give it a red, squeaky clown nose.

30\. Cookie jar- Fill the helmet with cookies. Hide it from everyone except me, and let me eat them before Zeb does.

31\. Jack-o-lantern- Paint it orange and draw weird faces on it. Then, put it over a flashlight or lantern so it will have glowing eyes. Add wigs, makeup, and fake mustaches. Stir well and bake for twelve minutes at 195 degrees celsius. Just kidding.

32\. Trick-or-treat bag- Use duct tape to make a handle and decorate it to your liking. Then, go around and make people give you candy.

33\. Backpack or purse- Make straps or handles out of duct tape. Put your blaster inside, along with explosives, your comlink, a fake id, your dark/lightsaber, spray paint, vibroblades, your credits, and a pack of Hoth-mint gum.

34\. Possessed helmet- Place over a holovid, so it will look like it has flashing blue eyes. Prank people with it. ("Hey guys, I'd like you to meet my friend, Bob." *uses the Force to bring possessed floating head into room*)

35\. Milk jug- Fill it with blue milk and add a duct tape handle if desired. Give it to Zeb, bet him that he can't drink a gallon of milk in less than 10 minutes without barfing, and chant, "Chug! Chug! Chug!" (it is physically impossible to drink a gallon of milk in ten minutes without barfing. Even for you, Zeb. (see number 27))

36\. Prank a clone trooper- Steal Rex or another clone's helmet and replace it with a stormtrooper helmet. Be sure to give it back, unless you want to end up dead like the majority of the Jedi.

37\. Popcorn popper- Fill it with corn kernels, and hold it over a fire (with or without the Force). Then, eat the popcorn. Add salt and butter as needed. Do not burn yourself. The last thing the Galaxy needs is another Anakin.

38\. Basketball hoop- Use a light (or dark) saber to cut the top off. Then attach it to a door, tree, or random tall post and shoot some hoops. Don't actually shoot it though; that's what number 15 is for.

39\. Artist canvas- If none of these appeal to you, give it to me and I'll paint it!

l-o-l

Author's Note: If you choose a favorite use out of this list in a review, I will write a chapter based on it. Thank you for reading!


	2. 34: Possessed Helmet

#34: Possessed helmet

It was a dark and stormy night. Actually, it was 1300 hours in the afternoon, but everyone was asleep because of planet time zone differences. The _Ghost_ had exited hyperspace a few hours prior, and the crew was dozing in their cabins, desperately catching up on their sleep after being awake for an excruciating thirty-six hours straight. Not a being was stirring, not even an astromech.

Well, except for two mischievous teenagers.

Sabine and Ezra, although exhausted, could not fall asleep after the battle, perhaps because they were haunted by the death they had seen, or perhaps they were still on adrenaline. Either way, they were wide awake, and quite bored, on a virtually empty ship. Naturally, they decided to wreak havoc on the calm state of said ship and annoy their crewmates with chaos. The two youngest Spectres had assembled themselves in Sabine's cabin, since Zeb was asleep and snoring in the one he shared with Ezra.

"Now, what should we do?" Sabine wondered aloud, tapping her chin with a pencil.

"We could paint Zeb pink again," Ezra suggested.

"No, I'm out of pink paint, and I don't want Hera to force us to spend the rest of the day scrubbing the paint out of his bunk," Sabine rejected his idea. "We could put ketchup in the soap dispenser or replace Kanan's shaving cream with whipped cream."

"No, we need an immediate reaction, not something we'll have to wait until they wake up for," Ezra reasoned. "Besides, it's _my_ shaving cream too!"

Sabine raised an eyebrow. "You shave? You're, like, twelve!"

"_Twelve_?" Ezra exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air. "I'm almost _seventeen_!"

Sabine glanced up at him, then at the family portrait she had painted a while back, which depicted Ezra flailing around as his fifteen-year-old self. "Huh. Same difference." She began chewing on the end of her pencil.

Ezra narrowed his eyes, but dropped the subject. "Ew, why are you eating that pencil? That's gross!"

"You're gross!"

"Am not!"

"Are so!"

"Am not!"

"Are so!"

"Am not!"

"Are so!"

Their argument paused as Ezra's eyes landed on one of Sabine's paintings: a stormtrooper helmet with a red x over it. "Hey, we could use one of my stormtrooper helmets. I think your list had some ideas about pranking people."

"Good idea," Sabine agreed and began rummaging through her desk drawers. "I have another copy in here, _somewhere_…" Finally, she located the elusive scrap of flimsy and found the number she was looking for.

_#34: Possessed helmet- Place a helmet over a holovid, so it will look like it has flashing blue eyes. Prank people with it. ("Hey guys, I'd like you to meet my friend, Bob." *uses the Force to bring possessed floating head into room*)_

Sabine and Ezra looked at each other and grinned twin grins of evil.

l-o-l (-o-) l-o-l

Twenty minutes later, the teenagers were lying in the ventilation shafts above Ezra and Zeb's cabin, accompanied by six holoprojectors and remotes, Hera's voice distortion device, some smoke grenades, speakers, and Sabine's datapad, which contained recordings of creepy sound effects. They scrutinized Zeb for a while to make sure he was asleep, then put their plan into action.

Ezra levitated Sabine's smoke grenades into the room and set them quietly on the floor. The holoprojectors and voice distorter soon followed, instead floating into six of the stormtrooper helmets stacked unassumingly in the corner.

"Three, two, one," Sabine whispered, and pressed the button to detonate the smoke grenades, which went off with a crack. Red smoke shot out from the small metal sphere and filled the room. Ezra levitated the holo-filled helmets towards Zeb in a pyramid formation as Sabine began playing her creepy sound effects through the speakers and turning on the holoprojectors with the remote controls. Blue lights began flashing from out the bottom of the helmets and through the eye holes. Zeb turned in his sleep, disturbed by the bright lights. Sabine grinned evilly and tapped her datapad, and a chorus of menacing cackles filled the room.

"Wha—? Huh?" Zeb mumbled, blinking sleepily. "Wha's goin' on?" The helmets continued to advance towards the still-sluggish Lasat, who rubbed his eyes in confusion.

"Wooooooooo! We have come to eat your soul!" Ezra said creepily into the voice distorter, then buried his face in his arms in an attempt to stifle his laughter. Sabine tapped her datapad again, and the sounds of thunder echoed off the metal walls. Zeb jumped, startled, then swung a large paw towards the floating helmets, but they floated away, just out of reach. "What kind of sorcery is this?" He reached for his bo-rifle, but Sabine detonated another smoke grenade before he could shoot the helmets. Another tap to the datapad, and the fearsome roar of a rancor was added to the cacophony. Ezra changed the settings on the voice distortion device and began chanting "Death, death, death, death," which echoed in a myriad of ghoulish voices, followed by a series of eerie laughs from the datapad.

Zeb growled, furious and confused, and dove for the floating helmets, which were now bobbing up and down in a bizarre pattern. He missed, and instead landed on another one of Sabine's smoke grenades, which detonated in his face. The enraged Lasat, now covered in red powder, began attacking everything within reach, his fists colliding with the walls, floor, and his bunk, but never the helmets. For the grand finale, Sabine pressed the thunder sound effect one last time, and Ezra reached out with the Force, levitated the glass of water on the table beside the bunks, and upended it onto Zeb's head. The Lasat yelped in surprise as the frigid water shocked him out of his sleep-induced confusion, and the thought suddenly occurred to him that perhaps these strange happenings were being brought about by an outside source.

"Sabine! Ezra! You nerf herding laserbrains!" he growled, looking up on Ezra's bunk, then under his own. He kicked over Ezra's pyramid of extra helmets, which, until then, had somehow remained intact throughout the ordeal. "Where are they?"

"Go, go, go, go, go!" Sabine hissed at Ezra as they army crawled their way through the vents at a Hutt's pace. Since they had both been facing the vent, Ezra had to shuffle backwards, so he began pelting his infinite supply of helmets at Zeb with the Force to buy them some time. The resulting screeches could be heard throughout the ship. Ezra started to laugh but ended up banging his head on the top of the ventilation shaft. The pranksters froze. Unfortunately, it was too late; the Lasat's sharp hearing had picked up on the sound.

"I heard that! I know you're up there!" Zeb hollered, pounding on the vent he could not fit into. Realizing the futility of his actions, he quickly devised a new plan. The Lasat sprang into action, sprinting down the hall to the 'fresher, where he grabbed a few choice items. He then entered Sabine's cabin, which he assumed was the mischievous teenagers' destination.

Up in the vents, they reached a three-way intersection, where the vents had more space, so they were able to crawl on their hands and knees. Ezra managed to turn around so he wouldn't have to crawl backwards, and they were able to progress faster.

"How much farther?" Sabine hollered; they had abandoned all hopes of secrecy for speed some time ago.

"We're almost there!" Ezra replied. "I can see a light around the corner, literally!" He could also hear a strange spraying noise from ahead of them, but he disregarded it and continued on. Suddenly, as they rounded the corner, he saw a giant pile of shaving cream surrounding the vent into Sabine's cabin. "Wait! Stop!" he shouted to Sabine, but it was too late. She collided into him, and he faceplanted into the shaving cream. Ezra squawked and spat it out.

"What's going on?" Sabine demanded.

"Zeb blocked the entrance with shaving cream, and now it's all over my face and in my hair!" he practically wailed. They heard their crewmate's chuckles from below them, followed by the whoosh of the door as he exited the room.

"Can you go around it?"

"No, it's everywhere! Back up!" They began shuffling backwards, this time going even slower than before. After an undetermined but seemingly infinite amount of time, they reached the vent above Ezra and Zeb's cabin.

"Haar'chak!" Sabine shouted, as her socks became coated in toothpaste. "There's toothpaste everywhere! I _told_ you we should have worn shoes!"

"No, he would have heard our every move with those clunky boots of yours!"

"Whatever, let's just go to the common room!" They inched forwards again, then turned a corner to see the heavenly, phenomenal, overwhelmingly remarkable sight of a ventilation opening that was not covered in various toiletry products.

They dropped into the room with a sigh of relief, only to inhale a gasp of panic.

This was not the common room.

It was Kanan and Hera's cabin.

The Jedi and the twi'lek captain, still in their clothes from after the long battle, had fallen asleep in each other's arms on the bottom bunk after Hera had carefully bandaged the wound on Kanan's shoulder and he had done the same to her lek. Surprisingly, Kanan wasn't even drooling, and they seemed content in their gross romanticness.

Ezra opened his mouth, probably to utter a squawk of horror over their unintended destination, but Sabine shushed him. "Shut up and run, you di'kut!" she whispered frantically, making a dash for the door. In her haste, she did not realize that the cabin's inhabitants had locked the door, so it would not open automatically. She collided with the metal at full speed and yelped in pain.

"_You_ shut up! You'll wake them!" Ezra hissed. He hurried over to the door's control panel. Since it was the captain's cabin, there was an assortment buttons with letters that were apparently for a password. After trying "C1-10P," "_Ghost_," "Spectres," and "Kanan," none of which worked, he pounded the buttons with his fist. "Open! Open! Open!" he commanded the door.

Disregarding her lack of shoes, Sabine kicked the door forcefully, which had absolutely no effect on it besides a footprint of toothpaste left on the metal. It did, however, have a rather painful effect on her foot, and the resulting collision between said foot and the door produced an awful pounding noise, which startled the sleeping Spectres into consciousness quite abruptly.

"What is going on here?" Hera demanded. The two teenagers stared up at her, their eyes filled with terror.

"Uh…Zeb, he, uh, trapped us in the vents," Sabine stuttered. "We thought this was the common room!"

"Just let us out, _please_!" Ezra begged, his face still covered in shaving cream. She narrowed her eyes, but wordlessly strode to the door controls and pressed the "open" button.

The two youngest Spectres continued staring at her in shock. "Oh," said Ezra obliviously. "I knew that." They then proceeded to flee from the room as fast as humanly possible.

When the arrived in the safety of the common room, Sabine breathed a sigh of relief. "Wow, we actually got away with it!" However, her assessment way quite incorrect.

Ezra, Sabine, and Zeb spent the entirety of the next day scrubbing toothpaste, shaving cream, and red powder off every surface in Zeb and Ezra's cabin and the ventilation shafts, while Chopper warbled his mechanical laughs psychotically in the background and Hera and Kanan looked on in cruel satisfaction.

They did not get away with it.

Author's Note: Thank you to Guest for suggesting this chapter. Please give feedback so I can improve my writing! Also, if you choose a favorite use out of the list of helmet uses in a review, I will write a chapter based on it. The next chapter will be on #19, followed by #36. Thank you for reading!


	3. 19: Birdhouse

#19: Birdhouse

_19\. Birdhouse- Drill a hole in the top and hang it from a tree with duct tape. Fill it with twigs, sticks, leaves. Then, the birds will come and you can name one Star, so it will be a Star bird. _

The _Ghost_ crew awoke one morning to hear Chopper beeping, screeching, and warbling over the intercoms. Hera peered sleepily out of her cabin, not pleased to be disturbed from one of her rare moments of sleep to check on her crew.

"Chopper, what is going on?" Ezra yelled from across the hall, his hair standing up in every possible direction. From inside their cabin, Zeb growled and muttered threats directed toward the unruly astromech.

At the same time, Sabine charged out the door of her cabin with a vibroblade in one hand and one of her Westar 35s in the other. Checking the hall for danger, she saw nothing but her crewmates. The Mandalorian slowly moved to holster her weapons, only to realize she had no holsters, as she was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants and not her armor.

Suddenly, Chopper burst through the door heading from the common room and began speeding down the hallway as fast as his wheels could carry him. Apparently, this was not enough, because he soon activated his rocket booster, flew out of the hallway and into the cockpit. Just before he closed and locked the door behind him, he beeped out one last phrase.

"What does _that_ mean?" Ezra asked, unable to understand binary.

"He said…'Run, it's coming for us?'" Sabine translated, confused. "What is that supposed to mean?"

A crashing sound echoed down the hallway, coming from the common room. "What is that?" Hera asked. The sound became increasingly more deafening, and then an unidentified flying object came flying across the hallway and straight into the door of the cockpit, which was closed. The creature then fell to the ground after its collision with the metal door.

Ezra ran up to the creature, which seemed to be out cold. "Hey, it's a bird, like the one that always followed Ahsoka around."

"A convor," Sabine specified.

"Except it's really tiny. Maybe it's a baby convor," Ezra commented. Suddenly, the convor sat up, snapped its beak at his finger, and flew off. "Ah, it bit me!" Ezra screeched. Zeb laughed at him from the other end of the hallway.

"What do we do now?" Sabine asked. "Chopper is obviously terrified of it."

"Just leave it be," Hera said. "It'll find its way out of the ship on its own after we get out of hyperspace." The Spectres bid each other goodnight and headed back to their respective cabins.

l-o-l (-o-) l-o-l

The next day, Zeb, Ezra, and Sabine were sitting at the table in the galley eating Dantooine cereal. Meanwhile, Hera was typing up a report on her datapad in the common room while Kanan meditated on the floor beside her. Ezra tried to show off to his crewmates by using the Force to pour blue milk into his Frosted Space O's cereal, but his crewmates proceeded to ignore his antics. Out of nowhere, they heard a loud shriek and looked up, reaching for their weapons.

The baby convor barreled through the common room and into the galley. Zeb and Sabine grabbed their bowls of cereal protectively, but Ezra was too busy pouring blue milk with the Force. The convor dove towards his bowl of cereal, grabbed it in its talons, and fled.

"Hey!" Ezra shouted, spilling the carton of blue milk onto his orange jumpsuit. "That's my breakfast!" He jumped up from the table to chase after it, as Sabine and Zeb laughed at him. Ezra charged out of the galley and into the common room, following the breakfast-stealing convor.

"What's wrong, Ezra?" Hera asked, concerned, as he burst into the common room at full speed and looked around frantically.

"The bird!" he replied. "It stole my cereal!"

"Just get some more cereal, Ezra," Hera suggested. "Don't bother the poor thing; it's probably just hungry."

"But…but…" Ezra protested, angry at the bird for embarrassing him and causing him to spill the blue milk.

"Just go change and get another bowl," said Kanan with a smirk. "No use crying over spilled blue milk."

Ezra sighed at the lame joke and went to his cabin to change clothes.

l-o-l (-o-) l-o-l

After breakfast, Sabine returned to her cabin to continue painting her mural of one of Attolon's remarkable sunsets. She was just beginning to blend the colors when she heard a clunking sound coming from the ventilation shafts above her. The Mandalorian stopped painting and listened, but she did not hear the sound again. Thirty minutes later, she took a break to admire how her work had turned out so far. She pulled out her holo camera to take a picture of her progress, when an unidentified something fell out of the vents. Before she could react, it flew across the room and headed straight for Sabine's painting.

"No!" Sabine yelled, but it was too late. The bird collided with the wall and stuck to it, its feathers coated with paint. The convor flapped its soggy wings, trying to escape, but it only smeared the painting more. Finally, gravity won, and bird, now soaked in paint the colors of a pastel sunset, fell to the ground with an odd squishing sound. Sabine stared in horror at the remains of her once beautiful painting, which had suddenly become just a smear of colors complete with clusters of feathers that had remained stuck to the still wet paint. Before Sabine could capture the bird, it took off into the vents once more, and Sabine hurled her holo camera into the wall in frustration.

The furious teenager stormed out of her cabin. "Hera, that stupid bird ruined my painting!" she yelled angrily, holding one of her blasters in one hand and a feather, which was dripping yellow paint onto the ship's floor, in the other. "Permission to seek and destroy?"

Hera looked up from her report, mildly alarmed at the threatening manner in which Sabine held her blaster. "No, Sabine. Don't go shooting up my ship. We don't need any more blaster holes in the walls than we already have. Leave the bird alone."

Sighing, Sabine returned to her cabin. An entire week's worth of work had been ruined by the stupid convor, and now she was going to have to redo her entire painting.

l-o-l (-o-) l-o-l

Kanan was meditating in the cockpit while he waited for Hera to complete her report. He had been struggling to find his center in the Force with the negative emotions pouring from his Padawan since after breakfast, and now, from the Mandalorian. Most of said negative emotions seemed to be directed at the baby convor that was wreaking havoc on the ship and its residents.

One of the downsides to his Force sight was that closing his eyes did nothing to block out the myriad of distractions on the ship. His fine-tuned senses picked up Chopper's whirring, the humming of the _Ghost_'s engines, rustling in the vents, snoring, footsteps echoing off the metal floors, and even the spray of paint bottles across the ship. He could sense Ezra and Zeb's boredom after being in hyperspace for so long, Sabine's anger at the bird, Hera's frustration with her report, Chopper being, well, Chopper, and the baby convor rustling around in the vents. Well, that was certainly not going to improve his concentration.

He was so intent on tuning out the various noises on the ship that he did not notice the convor fly out of the vent and begin hovering over his head. Suddenly, Kanan felt something drip onto his head. He immediately cringed, not needing to reach up and touch the substance in his hair to know it was bird poop. Sighing, the Jedi got up from his meditation position on the floor and headed to the fresher. He pulled out his comlink and contacted Hera.

He heard her sigh and set down her datapad. "Yes, Kanan?"

"Hera, the bird pooped in my hair."

She laughed. "How did you not notice? Don't worry; in a few more days, we'll be out of hyperspace. I'm sure it'll leave us alone once we get there."

l-o-l (-o-) l-o-l

After enduring Ezra's rants about That Stupid, Greedy Flying Rat That Stole My Cereal, which he had dubbed the baby convor after the morning's incident, Zeb retreated into his cabin in an attempt to find peace and quiet and retain his rapidly dwindling sanity. The Lasat disassembled his Bo-rifle, cleaned it, and put it back together. Once he was done, he opened the cabin door and checked the hallway for bored, ranting Ezras.

One glance up and down the hallway revealed no bright orange teenagers, but Zeb could hear approaching footsteps, so he closed the door quickly. Since he had nothing better to do while being confined to his cabin, the Lasat laid down on his bunk for a nap.

About half an hour into his doze, Zeb felt a strange tapping on the side of his face. He opened one eye and swatted one paw at his ear. The tapping continued. Zeb growled, sat up abruptly, swatted again, and came up with a pawful of feathers.

"That stupid bird!" he growled, walking across the cabin and palming the lights, but it was gone. He stormed out of the cabin, down the hallway, and into the common room. "Hera! Can I take Ezra, a broom, and a hydrospanner and go beat that bird's brains in?"

"No, Zeb," Hera sighed. "Just leave it alone."

"Fine," Zeb replied with a huff.

l-o-l (-o-) l-o-l

Three hours after she initially began her report, Hera turned off her datapad and deposited it triumphantly onto the common room table. "Done!" she announced, getting up from the table and walking to the cockpit to meet Kanan. When she didn't find him there, she took out a hydrospanner and began checking out some faulty wiring.

When Hera was about halfway finished, she heard a screeching and tearing noise. She turned around and looked up to see the convor with a tangle of wires in its beak. Then she saw said tangle of wires fall out of its beak split in two.

"No!" Hera shouted, hurling her hydrospanner across the cockpit. It landed exactly where the bird had been a mere second before and bounced off the wiring. "No, come back, you little rat with wings!" The bird soared up and into the vents yet again. "Alright, that's it! This is _war_!"

l-o-l (-o-) l-o-l

Five minutes later, the entire _Ghost_ crew had gathered in the common room at Hera's urging. The twi'lek stood in the center of the room, a peeved yet determined expression on her face. "What is this all about, Hera?" Kanan questioned.

The ship's captain cleared her throat and paused for dramatic effect, before uttering two words: "_The bird._" Silence fell, and her crew stared at her.

"Um, Hera?" Ezra asked tentatively. "Didn't you tell all of us that we should just leave it alone and that it'll fly off when we land back on base?"

Hera paused, glancing at the floor sheepishly. "Well, I suppose I did, but I did not realize how cruel and evil of a creature that…_thing_…is."

"What did it do?" Sabine asked. "What could be worse than destroying a week's worth of artwork?"

"Or waking me up by pecking my face off?" Zeb added.

"Or stealing my Space O's cereal?" Ezra wailed.

"Or pooping on my head?" Kanan deadpanned. The entire crew, minus Hera, paused and stared at him, dumbfounded as to how that could happen to the Jedi, of all people, until Zeb shattered the silence.

"It…pooped on your head?" he snickered with a grin. The teenagers and Chopper burst out laughing, or, in the droid's case, warbling hysterically.

"Okay, okay. That's enough," Hera placated them, and her crew composed themselves. "All those things the bird did to you were unfortunate, but now, it has done something abominable." The crew waited in suspense. "It chewed on some of the wiring in the _Ghost_'s and destroyed it!"

"Destroyed the wiring or the _Ghost_?" Sabine asked worriedly.

"Both!" Hera declared. "Well," she corrected herself, "it can still fly, but that Force-cursed bird has still disabled some minor backup systems and controls! This means war!"

"_War_!" Ezra bellowed, and he, Zeb, and Sabine began stomping around in a circle while chanting what the deemed "war chants."

"Draw your weapons!" Hera ordered, and her crew ran off in all directions.

Hera hurried to the galley and found a frying pan from one of the cabinets. Sabine snatched a bottle of spray paint and the stick she had used for her Darksaber training. Ezra grabbed three stormtrooper helmets, donning one on his head and holding the other two in his hands. Kanan located a broom and a trash can lid, which he brandished like a sword and a shield. Chopper brandished his taser, and Zeb merely hoisted the stool he had been sitting on during Hera's declaration of war meeting.

Once they had assembled back in the common room, Hera issued the order to charge, and the six Spectres went charging through the ship, hunting for the baby convor that had been provoking them all day.

Sabine ran to her cabin, checking her mangled artwork for evil convors, and, finding none, progressed to the cockpit. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the small bird chewing on some of the _Ghost_'s wires. "No! Stop that!" Sabine screeched, spraying her spray paint. The now neon blue bird flew off, squawking, as the Mandalorian swatted at it with her stick. It dodged her attacks and escaped into the vents. "_Haar'chack_!"

Ezra encountered it next, clattering through the dirty dishes in the galley's sink. He hurled one of his helmets across the room, but the bird flew off at the last second, and the helmet barely missed breaking a glass mug instead. Ezra flung his other projectile, causing a few blue painted feathers to flutter to the ground, but it swooped over his head and dived at his ankles. The Padawan yelped in surprise, aimed a kick at the bird, pulled the helmet off his head, and slung it at the bird. The helmet flew straight at it. In fact, it was such an accurate throw that it landed directly on top of the bird, which flew away, with the helmet still on top of it. When it tried to escape into the vents, it bounced off, since the helmet was too big, so it instead fluttered unsteadily into the common room.

Kanan struck at it with his trash can lid, but that only freed the bird from the vision- and agility-restricting helmet. It flew out of reach, and Kanan barely clipped its foot with the end of his broom. As it soared above his head, he used the Force to enhance his jump. Simultaneously, Zeb charged in from his hiding space under the common room table and launched the bright orange metal stool at his target. Both the Jedi and the stool collided in midair, and the bird flew off, unharmed, as Zeb growled, and Kanan shouted in pain and frustration.

Hera and Chopper waited in the entrance to the hallway, with their respective weapons, a taser and a frying pan, ready to attack. It flew at them, head on, and Chopper reached to taser it. Simultaneously, Hera swung her frying pan at the bird. The metal frying pan attracted the taser's electricity, and Hera dropped the pan mid swing as her own droid ended up tasering her. The bird squawked at her tauntingly before retreating into the vents once again.

The crew gathered back into the common room, dissatisfied with the taste defeat, and to a bird, no less. "Alright, what's the plan?" Zeb asked Hera.

"Well, we obviously can't catch it, as we just proved, but we can get it to leave us alone," Hera replied.

"Wait," Sabine interrupted. "You mean we're going to _surrender_?"

Hera cringed. "I was thinking more of a compromise, but no, we're not going to keep attacking it."

"Oh, _come on_. That was fun," the Mandalorian pouted.

"So, what are we going to give it in exchange?" Kanan asked.

"Food? Like my cereal?" Ezra protested. "It stole mine! It's a cereal killer!"

"We'll give it things every creature needs," Hera replied, "like food, water, and shelter."

"What about knives?" Sabine asked. "Everyone needs knives."

"We're not going to arm the cereal killer with knives, Sabine! That'd put us in even more danger!" Ezra retorted.

"Fine."

"Don't worry, Ezra," Hera placated him. "I'm sure we can find something else to find the bird. In the meantime, why don't you try to find something it can use as a nest?"

"A nest?" Ezra echoed. "How?"

"Fine, I'll help you," Sabine agreed, following him to his and Zeb's cabin. "Do we have any twigs?"

"I don't think so," Ezra sighed. "Just a bunch of Lasat fur."

"That'll work," offered Sabine. "We can fill up a container with it."

"Not my cereal bowl!" Ezra shrieked.

Sabine facepalmed. "Enough with the cereal already! We can use something else."

"Like what?" asked Ezra. "All I have are a bunch of stormtrooper helmets."

"Perfect!" exclaimed Sabine. "I can paint it and everything!" She exited the cabin abruptly and returned a few seconds later with an armful of spray paint cans. "Let us begin."

Ezra ignited his lightsaber and cut two small holes in the side of the helmet. Sabine then began painting the helmet in neon colors and covering it with starbird symbols as Ezra collected handfuls of Lasat fur from various places throughout the cabin.

"This is weird," Sabine declared once the helmet had been painted and stuffed with fur. "It's purple and fluffy."

"Yeah, like your hair," Ezra joked, and Sabine swatted him in retaliation. She took some para-cord and tethered it through the saber cut holes in the helmet, and they left the cabin and headed to the common room.

l-o-l (-o-) l-o-l

The teenagers entered the common room to see Kanan meditating on the ground with about a half dozen dead rats floating above his head. Sabine raised an eyebrow. "Is this some type of weird Jedi ritual?"

"No, these are for the bird," Hera replied. "I did some research, and convors eat small rodents, so Chopper electrocuted some rats in the cargo hold that apparently stowed away on our ship from some planet during a mission."

"And I'm levitating them because I don't want to touch them," Kanan added.

Sabine shrugged. "Fair enough."

Ezra held up the newly decorated birdhouse. "We finished!"

"It looks great!" Hera replied. "Kanan, if you could put the rats inside…" The dead rats floated into the helmet.

"Hey, is that my hair?" Zeb asked, recognizing the purple fur inside the helmet.

"What, you mean the rat fur?" Ezra joked. "I can't tell the difference." He barely dodged Zeb's paw as the Lasat swiped at him.

"Alright, that's enough," said Kanan. "You guys go hang that up in the cargo bay, so we can get this bird out of our hair."

"What do you mean? It's going to be _living_ in a nest of my hair!" Zeb exclaimed as he followed the teenagers out of the room. Hera only shook her head and sighed.

l-o-l (-o-) l-o-l

Three days later, the crew woke up early, excited to be back on base. They grabbed a quick breakfast-to-go from the galley and gathered in the cargo hold around the birdhouse. Hera opened the cargo bay doors, and the Attolonian sun glared off the ship's metal walls.

"Come on, birdie," Zeb said to the convor, flapping his paws at it. "Fly!"

"Remove thyself from my personal space, evil cereal killer!" Ezra ordered, pointing his spoon from his cereal at it.

"Go! Shoo! Leave!" Sabine demanded, to no effect. Fed up, she stamped her boot-clad foot and flung her granola bar against the side of the birdhouse. "Fly away now, or I'll shoot you!" she screeched.

When Chopper reached out at it with his taser, Hera decided to restore order. "Alright, that's enough. I don't think anything is going to make it leave."

"We could let it stay in here," Kanan suggested, glancing down at a small rodent that was staring intently at the cheese stick the Jedi was eating. "After all, it'll take care of the rat problem." The Spectres considered his proposition.

"Fine," Ezra said finally, holding his breakfast closer to his chest. "But it has to stay out of my cereal."

"And my paintings," Sabine added.

"And my bunk," Zeb agreed.

"And my hair," Kanan continued sheepishly.

"And the ship's wiring. The last thing we need is for it to eat the hyperdrive!" Hera laughed.

"So, we get a pet?" Ezra asked, warming up to the idea. "I've never had a pet before. Loth-cats don't count."

"Should we name it?" Sabine wondered.

"Yeah! Cereal Killer!" he exclaimed.

"No, Ezra. That's dumb," Zeb rolled his eyes.

"Well, it's not like there's another option, unless we want to call it That Flying Lump of Feathers," the Padawan protested.

"Oh, come on, guys. There are plenty of other options," Sabine replied, pausing to think. "Hey, what about Star?"

"Star? What does that have to do with anything?" Zeb asked.

"Well, it's a bird, right?" Sabine prompted.

"…Yes?" the other Spectres chorused, confused.

"Congratulations, Sabine. You know your animals!" Ezra teased.

"Shut up," she shot back. "Anyways, since it's a bird, and if we name it Star…" Sabine paused for dramatic effect, "then it'll be a Star bird!"

Kanan snorted in amusement and continued eating his cheese. "Works for me."

"So, Star it is!" Ezra laughed. "Now I can tell new recruits that there's an actual starbird on base! It'll scare them to death!"

The newly named Star extended its head out of its birdhouse to squawk at them and flap its wings as if to say, 'see, I'm terrifying.'

"Who's a good little Star bird?" Sabine asked it, peeking inside the colorful birdhouse. Suddenly, the convor launched itself out of the stormtrooper helmet and dive-bombed straight into Ezra's bowl of cereal. The bowl tipped, and cereal and blue milk splattered everywhere and soaked Zeb and Ezra as they shrieked in surprise and anger.

"No! My Space O's!" Ezra yelled, completely drenched in blue milk with cereal in his hair, as he hurled his spoon at the offending animal. "Bad Star bird! Bad Cereal Killer!"

The captain and the Jedi watched their crew in amusement as Ezra and Zeb went ballistic, Chopper activated his jet propulsors and chased Star around the cargo bay as she flapped her milk-soaked feathers in everyone's faces, and Sabine documented the moment by spamming the photo button on her holo camera. "I have a bad feeling about this," Kanan deadpanned.

l-o-l (-o-) l-o-l

Author's Note: Thank you to sabinewren20.22 for suggesting this chapter. Please give feedback so I can improve my writing! Also, if you are interested in beta reading some of my fics, please send me a PM. If you suggest a favorite use for stormtrooper helmets from the first chapter in a review, I will write a chapter based on it. The next chapter will be on #36, followed by #8. Thanks for reading! anonymousclarinet22


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